What Does a Christ-centered Home Look Like?

When Tyler married Kat, he thought he knew what a Christian home looked like. 

He didn't want one. 

When he was growing up, his family went to church regularly and adopted many cultural symptoms of Christianity. They had plaques with Scripture verses and cars with fish symbols, and attended religious conferences. 

Behind closed doors, however, family members rarely spoke of Christ. They prayed only at mealtimes, and lost track of their Bibles between Sundays. Unlike their winsome pub- lic image, they were often in conflict. 

If that was a Christian home, Tyler wasn't interested in re-creating it. 

Many couples would like to create a "Christian home." Or they've been told that it's important to do so. But what is a Christian home really like? Here are some ideas. 

1.  A Christian home is (mostly) happy. How to have a happy home is the $64,000 question, isn't it? We know it's not going to be all good or bad. Most families rank somewhere in the middle, often resembling a roller coaster between the two. 

While we could argue the definitions of "happy" versus "joyful," the bot- tom line is that most couples want a happy home when they marry. 

You may worry, "But I've brought along the chaos I grew up with. Can our new home ever be happy?" You may struggle to cooperate with God as He works things out for good-because, frankly, things still feel bad. 

If you're a Christian, you probably agree that the source of joy is Christ. You probably believe that when you're busy enjoying Him, your home will be happy. But that's pretty lofty. We need some handles to really pick up this idea. 

To have a happy home, you must be "here now." You need to be plugged in-working when you're at work, being home when you're home. You need to pay attention to the kids when it's time and fully experience sex with your spouse when it's time. 

A happy home is somewhat simplified. It's purposely not in chaos. The tyranny of the world and its bedlam is required to stay outside; you review regularly everything that's allowed in. Should it stay? Does it build up your family? Are you valuing each other over things? 

2.   A Christian home is gracious. Home should be a safe place to mess up. Family members need the ointment of grace on the wounds of their hearts, remembering perfection is not the goal. With the world firing at you, make your home a foxhole for retreat and healing. 

Grace invites humility and repentance. Scripture tells us God's kindness leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). When a spouse or other family member wrongs you, approach that person gently. Offering grace will come back to you many times as you mess up in the future. 

Gracious language says, "I expect the best of you." It avoids criticism, sarcasm, and snide humor at all times. Instead of praising only performance, it encourages, notices, and rewards effort. 

3.  A Christian home is a place of service. If you're a parent, you've tasted sacrificial service. Anyone who cleans a helpless, soiled infant or forgoes sleep to feed a hungry baby knows servanthood on a very practical level. 

But why wait until parenthood? What would happen if you served your spouse from betrothal forward? Acts of kindness, respect, and self-control should flavor the Christian home. This is where hus- bands and wives find that serving each other in Christ is primary. Serving others is important, too— but integrity at home is foundational. 

Christ-centered couples can discover that all of life is sacred. The mundane duties of laundry, bill paying, housekeeping, and lawn mowing become opportunities to serve God. This can transform your marriage, teach your children by example, and bypass many conflicts. 

〜 Home should be a safe members need the ointment place to mess up. Family of grace on the wounds of their hearts, remembering perfection is not the goal. 〜

4. A Christian home practices spiritual disciplines. Happy families are growing spiritually. Fellowship with Christ through the Scriptures plays a central role in a home's peace. A Christian home is where you learn how to live as you study, meditate, and pray your way through the Bible. 

When you're learning to treasure Christ, He empowers you to live more simply. Your checkbook and calendar reflect your appreciation for God. Home becomes the least harried place in which you spend time. 

Spiritual growth includes discovering the high value of worship. No longer relegated to certain times in a certain building, worship of God breaks into your day at home, too. 

So does prayer. Individually and as a couple, spending focused time with God should sometimes be spontaneous, sometimes planned. It should be rela- tional and meaningful, not formulaic. 

5.  A Christian home is based on God's purposes for you. Maybe you dream of how your kids will grow up and what retirement will be like. But does your vision of the future match God's? 

You're probably familiar with the concept of a mission statement. This clarification of purpose is as valuable for families as it is for corporations. Developing one is a wonderful place to start crafting your Christian home. These core values and guiding principles should be flexible but consistent. They can reflect not just what you want for yourselves and your children, but also outline how you want to influence the home in which your grandchildren will be raised. 

〜 Christ-centered couples can discover that all of life is sacred. The mundane duties of laundry, bill paying, housekeeping, and lawn mowing become opportunities to serve God. 〜

Christ-centered couples are driven by the hope of seeing Jesus one day. They avoid cluttering their eternal focus—and their homes- with possessions and people-pleasing. 

When your marriage joins with God's pur- poses, you get a vibrant partnership. Instead of a contrived, rule-bound facade, you discover a rich and satisfying home life. 

As Tyler entered marriage, he and Kat talked about what they wanted to do differently from their parents. Used to reacting to the past, he began to respond more and more "in the moment." Moving past angry cynicism, he caught a vision for what his new home could be. He started running toward something instead of away from it. 

By the time they became parents, Tyler and Kat had begun to enjoy a more authentic Christian home. Watching other believing couples, Tyler saw the bal- ance he'd missed growing up. Now relating to God took the place of the ineffectual religion he'd observed as a child. 

〜 Christ-centered couples are driven by the hope of seeing Jesus one day. They avoid cluttering their eternal focus-and their homes-with possessions and people-pleasing. 〜

Headquartered in a Christ-centered home, Tyler and Kat slowly grew into enjoying Him together. 

Originally published in The Complete Guide to the First Five Years of Marriage, a Focus on the Family book published by Tyndale House Publishers. © 2006 Focus on the Family. Reprinted with permission.

If this article encouraged you, subscribe to receive weekly marriage insights and resources from Rob Jackson’s Icebergology™ Coaching Academy: Subscribe on Substack