Freedom from the Porn - Masturbation Trap (Transcript)

Rob Jackson: [00:00:00] The early stages of sex addiction are being better understood as a developmental cycle of events. And so one might be exposed to pornography. And today, you know, the median age of exposure for a child is probably about eight. And they're getting involved with the internet, which is no longer offering only soft core pornography, but they may be landing in the middle of hardcore pornography to start with.

And so with that exposure, that experimentation begins the experimentation of discovering one's own body, beginning to masturbate to it. And the culture sometimes says, you know, this is normal. Leave the child alone. Uh, especially in the life of males, you know. Boys will be boys. This is natural. As I've come to look at sex addiction and study it for a number of years, I'm increasingly convinced obviously, that sex addiction doesn't [00:01:00] happen without masturbation.

And so I want people to understand that there are some physiological and neurological properties of masturbation that have to be understood. Uh, it becomes clinically compelling to masturbate. I'm trying to help people understand at the level of the mind our personalities, masturbation breeds a certain lack of empathy for others.

It breeds a self-centeredness. It breeds character defects, and the younger person starts the more likely they are to have these defects of character. And then at the spiritual level, uh, Christ talking about if one looks after another with the intent of lost it, it becomes a type of adultery. Um, for the married person, a type of fornication for the single.

And so I'm really concerned that with pornography, typically there will be, uh, accelerated behaviors, including masturbation, and I have both young and old who are [00:02:00] compulsively masturbating sometimes several times a day. I have other addicts who maybe only masturbate two or three times a week. But they've got other things happening in their patterns, unique to their own version of sex addiction.

Masturbation does involve a chemical imprinting. There are a number of neurotransmitters, and you can think of it as, um. Becoming a pharmacist of your own brain, you're calling down medications, and while people often, especially young, will find pornography to be recreational and entertaining, by the time they start using and really getting addicted to those chemicals, I think they're actually beginning to self-medicate.

So every time there's frustration, every time there's stress, the first thing that comes to mind while it's not conscious, is I can go have some relief. I'm thinking of a young man who, uh, is homeschooled by his mom and, uh, the family's very well intended, but nonetheless, he gets angry with his mom about what's going on at school.[00:03:00] 

He's almost 17, and he goes upstairs and has begun a ritual of masturbating, and when he finally put it together that this is in reaction. The anger within the home and specifically to my mom, he saw the perversion of this and was all the more motivated to, to quit earlier. He would've said, well, I know it's sin.

I'm not gonna argue with God and the scriptures about this. I understand that. But getting him the psychological insight and to why also is a part of helping him to overcome it. In terms of the scriptures, we don't see any precepts that say, don't masturbate, so we have to go to principle. And principle is, for example, Jesus saying in the New Testament on the Sermon on the Mount, you know, if you look after someone with intent to lust, you're, you're guilty of adultery.

And I think the challenge, obviously is to say, is it possible to masturbate without fantasy? Is it possible to masturbate without [00:04:00] remembering the pornography or for that matter, the seduction? I saw on television that today's not considered pornographic. But it's seducing or the magazine cover, you know, that the kid sees at the grocery store, checkout lane, the magazine cover.

That's almost at eye level perhaps, and they see something that's very tantalizing and it locks to their memory short term. But when they start masturbating to the same, it gets encoded more into long-term memory. It becomes a, a drug of choice. In terms of the moral issues and, and biblical concerns around pornography?

You know, I think first of all, we go back to the meaning of the word itself. Pornography, uh, actually meaning writing about prostitutes or the writings of prostitutes. Uh, pornea talking about a, a spirit of pornography. So it's really grounded and, uh, a runaway lust. A lust of the flesh. [00:05:00] And what I would suggest from a biblical model after we talk about the scriptures, about not lusting in one's heart and so on, is there is a core fidelity that God gives us through the spirit.

He is faithful to us and he expects us to be faithful to him. And we have the spousal analogy throughout scripture. Jesus Christ being the bride of the church, the bride groom of the church, and the church being his bride. We even have a marriage in the beginning of the scriptures and genesis between a man and a woman naked and not ashamed.

And uh, the first thing God says is, go be fruitful. And I can wonder about the tone of his voice, but I think it would've been very affirming, very encouraging. Go, go be fruitful. The Bible ends with another marriage in the book of Revelation, the marriage of Christ and the church. Not a sexual union, but a spiritual one.

And so between the bookends, and many have pointed out to this, pointed this out, but between the bookends, we've got all kinds [00:06:00] of stories of men and women. We have Joseph who responds correctly and avoids the Seduces ER's wife. We have Samson, you know, God's strongest man falling to Delilah Solomon, the wisest man falling to many women.

We have, um. The prostitute who serves the, the Israelis Rahab, the prostitute, even in the biological lineage of Jesus Christ through Mary. We can go into the New Testament. Jesus reaching out to Mary Magdalene, the demon possessed prostitute. And so my point is throughout the scriptures we have all of these principles and these stories and these very true personalities.

We have the Song of Songs almost in the middle of the scripture. The Bible has got a, um, very consistent message about sexuality, about spirituality, about fidelity, about walking by the spirit in order to not fulfill the loss of the flesh. And so whenever we talk about [00:07:00] pornography, masturbation, and lost and forget that the scripture has many messages that relate to this psalm directly and others indirectly, we, we dilute ourselves, the more we see the word of God.

The more we know that he wants us to have good sexuality according to his parameters for holiness. In one Corinthians six 18, it talks about sexual sin is against the body of the one who commits that sin. And then it follows up and says, don't you know your body's with the Temple of the Holy Spirit?

What I believe is happening today in 2010 is we have scientists who are now doing brain scans. They can look at the anatomy and physiology of the brain like never before. They can tell brains that are healthy and unhealthy, brains that are addicted and not addicted. They can map regions of the brain that are more responsible for sexuality.

Responsible for impulse control and good moral judgment. And I think what's [00:08:00] happening is, especially when people come to pornography and sexual sin early, which is almost always the case, it starts off here and developmentally from childhood to adolescence, to young adulthood, to midwife to senior citizens, this thing keeps morphing.

It keeps changing. It keeps. Producing and I have clients who are 65 and 70 getting in trouble with sexual sin for the first time, at least being caught and found out for the first time. But they tell me, I started this 45 years ago and they talk me through how it started with a pinup, a, a calendar girl, uh, a Playboy, and I hid it.

I returned to it. I discovered masturbation and every time something new came on the scene with pornography, I would do that and [00:09:00] I would do that. And some have talked about now with the internet, you know, it's the first time I've ever gone into the child pornography, but it. It'd been the next step to take.

It was so readily available,

and the treatment of sex addiction, I think is very important for the client and the client's family and the therapist to consider. The question, is there a demonic stronghold? To what degree is there oppression if one were not a believer? Uh, to what degree is possession possible and to know that this is a real reality.

The scripture talks about this, and there's nothing to suggest that in modern times people are not possessed and oppressed. And sometimes I just use the word demonized to cover the basis. Uh, and knowing that sexual sin. [00:10:00] Uh, may very well be inspired and authored and motivated by the demonic spirits. And so I think it's very important for people in recovery and people offering recovery services to think through, are we covering the bases on this?

Might there be spiritual curses and oppression and so on? And are we calling on the name of Christ? And by his spirit? And asking for deliverance, knowing sometimes God grants it in moments, and sometimes it's progressive recovery itself being a model of walking out deliverance. And then sometimes it's just as important to say now.

Yeah, there may be elements here of demonic oppression and strongholds that we will not deny and we will treat in the name of Christ and with biblical authority. But what if there are issues of mental illness? It may not be either or, it may be both. [00:11:00] And so I think it becomes very, very complicated to say, um, is this only spiritual or is this only psychological?

Or speaking from a psychiatric model looking at neurology, maybe it's only neurological. The concern I have is we're getting more information and more help. And the areas of pastoral counseling, psychology and psychiatry is we're getting more information in each of these areas, and it's as if people are now over specializing.

People are not integrating, they're not working as well as we need to. We need the pastors who are on board in the treatment of the sexual addict who are foundational, talking about these things of the faith and walking by the spirit. I think we need the Christian counselor who's professionally trained and able to do psychological testing and, and look at how personality gets damaged even from sex addiction [00:12:00] itself.

Personality is further damaged from all the lying and the deception that the addict typically does. Personality gets damaged from that narcissistic sense of, I'm entitled, don't, don't hold me accountable. Personality also gets damaged from that sense of, you know. I've done everything I know to do and I still can't overcome this.

Am I crazy? Am I possessed? Is this something coming from my family's generational history? And then when we get into this, treating the spirit level with a pastor, treating the psychological level with a therapist, we're having to go sometimes to the psychiatrist or to another physician. I say, what parts of this may need medication in terms of someone who's moderate to severely depressed, someone who's got terrific anxiety, never putting our confidence in the medication, but putting our confidence in a great physician and trying to use a body of Christ to treat the whole person [00:13:00] in holistic ways.

Today we're hearing a lot of fantastic research about brain specs and other kinds of scans that look at the health. Of the brain and where the brain is lacking, perhaps, uh, good neural activity. And therefore there's a problem with impulse control. You know, the sexual addict is often very impulsive. And so a scan will probably show that, and there may be supplements or medications or exercise, other things that would be very appropriate to do for a healthy brain.

But the thing I'm beginning to wonder is, are we not just proving in modern science. What the scripture is pointing to in one Corinthians six 18, where it says, if you sin sexually, you're sinning against your own body. And what I would emphasize, it makes sexual sin different from many. It is, is truly accumulative.

You know, it accumulates and it injures development. And I believe that what the brain [00:14:00] scans are showing today is essentially the evidence. Of what God's word has been teaching all along. When you choose to sin sexually, you're gonna damage your body, and the most important organ of the body is the brain.

And that's also the most important organ for sexuality. Sexuality is very much a bonding experience, and we can speak of that spiritually and we can speak of that psychologically, but it is bonding. At the neurochemical level. The brain is releasing chemicals such that when one says, well, I've. Falling in love, even when it might be a pure experience for the person not yet married who's choosing their, their spouse who will be engaged and have a Christian marriage.

The falling in love is also a neurological process and when people are. Having sex with self through masturbation and releasing chemicals into the brain and throughout the body when they're having illicit sex with other partners, [00:15:00] there is all, there are all kinds of neurotransmitters that are bonding those people to each other, and in the absence of those people being bonded to the memories of what they were doing when they were acting out.

So it's very important to realize that while sexual sin is against the glory of God, it is also against the good of your own body, and it will bear itself out in neurological problems that are then gonna come down to further impact the personality and further wound the spirit and the walking with God.

It's all interactive, one of the foundational issues. For sex addiction can be a sense of self-hatred or contempt. Some might call it low self-esteem. Some might think of it as too little self-worth, but in almost every case, I see people who [00:16:00] have those qualities already being vulnerable to sex, to sexual sin.

Sexual sin comes in with the deception of you're lovable. You know, look at me. I want you. Uh, it's the fantasy of looking at the pornographic, uh, picture or video and imagining that person would love me. That person does love me in my fantasy. And so actually when people are so wounded on the inside that they don't sense their worth, they don't sense their dignity, they're gonna go looking and nothing offers as much of a shot in the arm as sexual sin in those moments.

Of spiritual deception, psychological deception, and neurological deception. And what I'm trying to help people understand and, and this is a passion for me, there has to be friendship with God. Now I'm speaking clearly of Father sign and spirit, but without friendship with God. How can [00:17:00] you know that you are the beloved?

Until you understand that God loves you, is thoroughly passionate about you. You're gonna settle for counterfeit intimacies wherever they're offered, and it's gonna be very important to deal with that self-hatred that is perhaps there just because of original sin to start with a fallen nature, and then the self-hatred that comes when perhaps through early childhood experiences parents don't serve well.

Parents may be actively abusing or they may be absent and not able to give the parental blessing. And then the other thing that's so paradoxical and, and diabolical I think is the increase in self hatred. Because now I'm doing the very things that by my belief systems I know are wrong. I say sexual sin is wrong and yet I go do it and I cannot not do it 'cause I'm not yet walking by the spirit.

You know, I'm trying to work this out on my own. [00:18:00] Uh, maybe feeling like, well, I am so lousy until I can clean myself up. I can't dare go before God and ask him for help. And so I am so desirous that the Christian Recovery community understands we have to allow God to befriend us. We have the atoning work of Jesus Christ.

He now befriends us through the comfort of the spirit, the advocate, and when people are sinning sexually as Christians. I'm trying to invite them to relax in the presence of the Holy Spirit so that he will comfort them into their recoveries is God's kindness. That leads to repentance, and when you hear that I love you, your mind is gonna have a way of chipping away at all of that self hatred.

That otherwise is not only developmental to sex addiction, but it's gonna keep feeding it

[00:19:00] in far too many cases. When I work with addicts, I find that they were traumatized as children. Uh, might be as specific as sexual abuse. It could be verbal and physical as well. And as his child gets sexualized. Many times they will begin to privatize the experience through masturbation. And then other times in peer groups among those who are older and so forth.

Sometimes they almost give off a, a vibe. Uh, it may be something, uh, that's on the verge of being a sexual comment, or maybe someone comes to them and offers some kind of sexual behavior. These children are easy prey by predators. They're easy to discover. And so they begin to act out now somewhat of their own fallen and fractured free will, but they're acting out in increasing promiscuous ways when they start dating on their own accord when they're young [00:20:00] adults.

Now they are confusing intimacy with sexuality. I mean, yes, there's sexual intimacy in marriage between monogamous parties. But they're confusing intimacy and sexuality, especially if it happens in a family through incest, where those boundaries were broken. Now this young person becomes somewhat boundaryless and they think a part of being a friend, a part of being an acquaintance is to be sexual or to allow sexuality as a child who's aff, affirmed, and unloved.

Coming from a home that doesn't say you're mine, and I'm so glad, is gonna be more of a target. For the perpetrator. And once that child is given affirmation sexually and they get some kind of twisted sense of, well, at least I'm important to someone, and by the way, let's not forget that in most of these occasions, the sexual abuse is gonna feel good [00:21:00] physically.

I mean, we all know the horrific stories of perpetrators who wound and even mutilate their prey. But for the person who is being, uh, molested by a family member, you know, someone they know, a friend of the family, someone in the community, many times these people come and say, I'm here to, to pleasure you.

I'm here to teach you this is gonna be better for you. And so the child is left not only with immediate physical and sexual affirmation that they've never had. But now they're gonna have an experience that might lead into what we call body betrayal. From this point forward, their body may go into a craving, if you will, for that kind of sexual affirmation.

It would be natural. I like to tell a story briefly about the woman caught in the act of adultery and the man who got away. You know the story, the Pharisees and Sadducees set Jesus up. They brought a woman [00:22:00] who had been caught in adultery, but the man didn't come. I would've rather been the woman caught in the act of adultery.

I could have seen the face of Christ, the man who got away didn't.