Should Christian Parents Allow Cohabiting Adult Children to Share a Bed in Their Home?
Parents of grown children sometimes face a heart-wrenching question:
“When my son or daughter comes home with a boyfriend or girlfriend, should I let them share a room in our house? What if they are in a same-sex relationship?”
This is not just about beds and house rules. It is about the collision of two deep loves: our love for our children and our loyalty to Christ. Many parents long for harmony, but Scripture reminds us that the Christian home is to be a place where truth and love meet.
What Research Tells Us—and What It Doesn’t
- Cohabitation is culturally normal. 65% of U.S. adults approve; only 41% of practicing Christians do.
- Evangelical youth are shifting. Nearly six in ten say it’s acceptable if marriage is planned.
- Parents are concerned. 58% of practicing Christian parents are very concerned about faith retention.
- Hospitality matters. Vibrant homes that practice prayer and hospitality often produce stronger discipleship outcomes.
Parents are anxious, culture normalizes cohabitation, and the Bible calls us to both holiness and love.
Scripture’s Teaching
Genesis 2:24, Hebrews 13:4, 1 Thessalonians 4:3–5, and 1 Corinthians 6:18–20 consistently affirm that sexual intimacy belongs only within marriage.
Speaking the Truth in Love
Paul urges us to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). Parents can reduce defensiveness by framing the boundary this way:
“Because I follow Christ, I believe He calls me to honor Him in every part of life, including how I manage this household. For me, that means I can’t allow unmarried couples to share a room here. This isn’t me trying to make you live by my standards. It’s me trying to live by His. You are always welcome at our table.”
Fidelity to Christ
The real issue is not house rules—it is fidelity to Christ, the Bridegroom. Parents are called to steward their homes faithfully, just as Christ has been utterly faithful to His bride, the Church (Ephesians 5:25–27; 2 Corinthians 11:2; Revelation 19:7–9).
Conclusion
The Christian home is where love and truth meet:
- Love says, “You are welcome here as my child.”
- Truth says, “But in this home, we honor the Lord.”
This boundary is not against your children—it is for your fidelity to Christ.
Reflection & Discussion Questions
- Head (Understanding):
- What does God’s Word clearly teach about sexual intimacy and marriage? (Genesis 2:24; Hebrews 13:4; 1 Thessalonians 4:3–5)
- How do verses on hospitality balance with verses on holiness? (Hebrews 13:2; 1 Peter 4:9; Ephesians 5:3)
- Heart (Feeling):
- How do you feel when you imagine setting this boundary with your grown child? Fearful? Guilty? Peaceful?
- What might God be asking you to love more deeply—your child, or His truth? (Matthew 10:37; Romans 12:1–2)
- Hands (Doing):
- How can you communicate this boundary with clarity and compassion? (Ephesians 4:15; Colossians 4:6)
- In what practical ways can you show warmth while holding the line? (Luke 15:1–2; Romans 14:16–19)
- Prayer:
Lord, give me courage to honor You in my home, tenderness to love my child well, and faith to trust that Your Spirit is at work when my words fall short. May my home reflect both truth and grace, as Yours does for me. Amen.